CLUB REVIEW

MO*VIDA, THE BEST CLUB IN LONDON...NOT ANYMORE!!!

Well for one thing, the 3rd Earl is not known to queue for an event more than 15 minutes (20 minutes if it's a sold out event and 30 minute if there is a health scare) so wandering out there for the aftershow party of one of the designers for London Fashion Week, i was extremely surprised to be placed amongst mere mortals with more hair and face product applications than the cosmetics section of a BOOTS store.
The female bouncer, Miss Polish Weightlifter 2006, who had let herself go and now looking more like a hard up Pat Butcher with a current mike tyson body, marshalled the queue like an Auschwitz camp guard repeatedly chewing gum and scornfully staring at the extremely disorganised, lengthy and static queue.
Miss Weightlifter's male companion was clearly heavyweight boxer Vitali Klitschko, who seemed like he was in no mood for a laugh at all, whether you were on guestlist or not and as usual the stares into the crowd aiding him presumably in that selective skirts process; MORE SKIRTS PLUS MORE OLD DIRTY BASTARDS EQUALS MORE MONEY AT THE BAR! Upon queueing up just beyond the "3RD EARL QUEUE TIME ACCEPTABILITY POLICY" the keeper of the list, another fine filly recruited from Master Klitschko's minimum wage migrant worker collection repeatedly suggested i wait for the organiser of our alloted guestlist, to which myself and my darling Lady A remarked "YES WHY NOT", and with a left turn out of the queue, we all had one thing in mind; NO COMING BACK and indeed we failed to return and ended up at another of several London Fashion Week parties, which was a much sombre affair.
Predictably, on our way out of the queue, familiar talentless characters from some of the mediocre programmes on modern television screens were being ushered in with smiles all round.
The perfect club scene currently seem to be events run with the atmosphere of a typical SMASH AND GRAB club night; semi interesting or vibrant entertainment personalities willing to enjoy themselves for the fun of it without having to repeatedly keep an eye on their bank balances.
5 pounds to move freely, dance amidst similar entertainment personalities you get in Movida or spend a 100 more and go home with robbie or stacie from eastenders?! I shall let you to decide.

3rd Earl

PS....BELOW ARE SOME OF THE COMMENTS LEFT BY THOSE THAT PAID IT A VISIT;

I went there on a Saturday night. Being in Mo*vida felt like I was in a hip hop video with a bunch of snoop-doggys and gold-digging Paris Hilton wannabes clawing for free drinks and any type of attention.
How could anyone call this sort of crowd exclusive? The interior and decor was not bad, but all the same I hated the crowd there.Plus, it was impossible to talk over the rather annoying RnB music. The truth is I might give Mo*vida another go on a Thursday or Friday night as I'm told there's a much better crowd.

Mo*Vida is a money-extracting venture for those with a comic lack of class and sophistication, from an owner who knows neither.
Please don't let these desperate nouveaux riches distract you with their Crystal bottles, people with genuine class / money stay well clear of these venues. Movida, China White and the like are strictly for mid-ranking money brokers, style-less tourists, z-list celebs/former wannabe page-3 girls/ex-Blue members.
Going inside is like walking into Del Boy's bedroom after he won the lottery. I've seen better taste in an episode of Crossroads. The screeching, bussed-in-from-Milton-Keynes crowd were drowned out only by the sub-Now 1899 soundtrack; seriously I've heard more credible "tunes" on Magic FM. Truly vile.

horrible place to go. Don`t go near there!The woman at entrance is totally rude and stupid!

Just because a club is expensive doesn't mean it's good (something the clientele will disagree with). It's a hole. You know the deal with Mo*vida: cheesy commercial music, overpriced drinks, horrible staff (the server at our table was actually aggressive), and clientele who don't know anything about clubbing and drink overpriced champagne who think having Cristal brought out with sparklers is cool.

If you don't have money, go to Leicester Square, not Mo*vida. The staff are always lovely unless you are common riff-raff who will not spend anything (which I expect the complainers are). Don't ruin the reputation of a fantastic club.

Never go to Mo*vida. I arrived at 11pm and I assumed I was going to get in free with a guest list for women, as I was invited by the party planners. Downstairs they asked me to pay, so I went back upstairs to ask why when it was meant be a free gueslist! They told me to leave and never to come back again.I was all dressed up and looked great! I was never rude, but they refused to let me in although I had a table reservation. I stood outside for five minutes aking why I wasn't let in and I even said I didn't mind paying. They then said I should have paid in the first place without any questions, although it is supposed to be free for women before 11:30pm.I will never bother with Mo*vida again. I have never been treated this way. It is a dump with superficial doorpeople who are too rude!

Mo*vida is the 7th circle of hell. I went last Friday by accident when I bumped into a friend oustside with a table booked. First of all, it is not that the door staff just happen to be rude, in this case they were repeatedly making my friends spell their name just for fun.
The interior design is appauling - it looks like they left the Christmas decorations up. Worst of all is the music - Greatest Hits of Ibiza 2002. Mo*vida is only for the bewildered.

Mo*vida is another predictable West End venue. After the hype of it being the new place in town, people can see it for what it is. Expensive and poorly made cocktails. Rude staff that seem to think you are there for their benefit. Wall to wall wannabes asserting themselves. Pathetic. You get certain crowds at different clubs - I'm glad these people have found their spot at Mo*vida, because I wouldn't want them anywhere else!

OUCH!!!! AND THAT WAS HOW MOVIDA LOST ITS CROWN!!!