According to the BBC, new London mayor Boris "the Menace" Johnson is launching an independent inquiry into accusations that his deputy Ray "making up the numbers" (whatever context you may wish to apply) Lewis was in fact or had infact made up a few numbers in his past.
The fascinating aspect of this is how efficient the BBC web team are; Initially the headline read "MAYORS AIDE IN SEX CLAIM PROBE" which was presumably due to the accusation that he was offered 25 thousand pounds in pinkies by a certain female congregant in St Mathews Diocese in Chelmsford BUT within an hour or so the allegation of SEX was replaced by CASH which clearly toned down the nature of the earlier headline down a tad bit.
Boris' predecessor Ken "oh im labour, no im not anymore" Livingstone lost his token black man as he was diverting funds to the brothers so will Boris be forced to lose his, "THE VICAR OF FIDDLEY"? We await the verdict!
3rd Earl
4 July 2008
SOME OLD REBECCA LOOS POETRY I WROTE FOR HER COMPETITION
Due to the introduction of the Rebecca Loos poetry competition on her forum, i decided to enter these two poems and hopefully i shall be awarded the prize of the signed playboy she modelled in.
The following is the two sides of the lady or not so ladylike Rebecca Loos.
NICE REBECCA LOOS POETRY - OUR FAVOURITE DEAR
Rebecca our favourite dear,
We've watched you on a few programmes in fear,
You've been a joy to watch, and an admirer of Germaine Greer,
When the need arose, you did shed a tear,
you were then mobbed by men who loved their beer,
The critics have been severe,
But we have taken to you like bambi the young deer (was it?),
and til we get to speak to you on here,
we shall remain ever near,
Lots Of Love from the non queer.
NOT SO NICE REBECCA LOOS POETRY - THE FCUKIN WHORE
Oh Rebecca you fcukin whore,
You made David pant "MORE",
And we later on watched in awe,
as you revealed "what the nanny did and saw",
eventually, you were shown the door,
not before asking "are you sure",
to which victoria responded "don't make me use my claw",
David did keep in touch saying "you are the one i adore",
As Victoria is such a bore,
Leaving the entire nation to go awwwwww,
*YOU FUCKIN WHORE.
THE END OF MY PERSONAL WAR,
XXX
3rd Earl
The following is the two sides of the lady or not so ladylike Rebecca Loos.
NICE REBECCA LOOS POETRY - OUR FAVOURITE DEAR
Rebecca our favourite dear,
We've watched you on a few programmes in fear,
You've been a joy to watch, and an admirer of Germaine Greer,
When the need arose, you did shed a tear,
you were then mobbed by men who loved their beer,
The critics have been severe,
But we have taken to you like bambi the young deer (was it?),
and til we get to speak to you on here,
we shall remain ever near,
Lots Of Love from the non queer.
NOT SO NICE REBECCA LOOS POETRY - THE FCUKIN WHORE
Oh Rebecca you fcukin whore,
You made David pant "MORE",
And we later on watched in awe,
as you revealed "what the nanny did and saw",
eventually, you were shown the door,
not before asking "are you sure",
to which victoria responded "don't make me use my claw",
David did keep in touch saying "you are the one i adore",
As Victoria is such a bore,
Leaving the entire nation to go awwwwww,
*YOU FUCKIN WHORE.
THE END OF MY PERSONAL WAR,
XXX
3rd Earl
WHEN IM REALLY REALLY BORED I DO THIS
3RD EARL FREEWRITING;
HOW LOW CAN YOU GO,
HOW MUCH CRAP CAN YOU FIT IN A BLOG TO MAKE IT SOUND CONVINCING??!!!
3rd Earl On Iraq
Sexual Gratification at warring stations.....
Responsibility and assumed authority undoubtedly lax and provoking damnation amongst many.....
Other Ethical values derided in favour of dereliction of duty.....
Despondency and Desolation are words familiar to several families and the entire nation......
etc etc etc.............
3rd Earl Attempts To Write A Few NON GRIME Lines For A Channel U Act ON LOVE;
Love is the most abused word since george bush, love is a distraction (doesn't apply to me as of going to press:)
I don't wanna fall in love anymore
Even the intimate walks on brighton shores
now fail to convince me you weren't a whore...
During our time, our friends said i was a bore...
most of my nights spent with you in parks, museums and dance floors...
You had it all, the money, the Sophie Raworth body and the monica lewinsky smile but yet there were flaws....
As i sit here contemplating what action to take without getting involved with the law.....
I realised there was no point as it's another case of what the 3rd Earl saw...
WHAT UTTER NONSENSE
MORE POETRY (got more bars than a music book)
Many fishes in the sea they say...
All i see is sharks and a stingray...
Some for the money, some for the whole day...
They come from Carlisle to Bombay...
Many come just for a place to stay...
3rd Earl generousity ensures they don't pay :) ...
ONLY if they're willing to play...
Play according to the rules and don't stray...
Earltime is always the highlight on friday :) ...
Gig preparations, will it be WONG or SWAY....
Both are big so that's OK....
SWAY'S from Ghana, WONG's from MORECAMBE BAY... :) (nothing to do with cockle picking)
They're 2 of the finest grime acts of today...
AAAAAAAAANYWAY, there are still not that many fishes in the sea as they say...Etc etc etc......
MSN FREESTYLIN SPECIAL 3RD EARL DID FOR SCARLET;
I write bars like a superstar...
Leave fake MCs sitting on their arse...
Got money, got hoes, got bare siiick cars... (well mum's the word)
too hot to handle but i aint from mars...
I ain't German so i ain't called hitler or Lars...
MCs runnin deyr mouths get washed with daz...
Left in a heap and sprayed with gas (slightly violent and aggressive, NOT RECOMMENDED, VIOLENCE IS BAD)...
Bit like Auschwitz but minus the farce :) ...
Making it farcical, like Gordon Brown in the cash for honours cycle...
Cynical...
He'd eventually put his hand on a bible, ...
Swear allegiance and attack a libel...
that contain bare sh%* than a horse's stable...
Im lyrically stable, consistent unlike the film BABEL... :)
I balance my bars like an IKEA table...
Got ma crew including main man Gabriel...
Solid like steel, solid like a sky aerial...
Clashin don't put you on a payroll...
Man makes Ps writing on loo rolls...
DAGADAGADAGADAHADAGADA ETC ETC ETC
Yeahhhhh NOW YOU KNOW HOW MUCH CRAP I CAN FIT IN A BLOG, YOUR GO, GO AND HAVE FUN ON YOUR PAGE!!!
xxx
3rd Earl
HOW LOW CAN YOU GO,
HOW MUCH CRAP CAN YOU FIT IN A BLOG TO MAKE IT SOUND CONVINCING??!!!
3rd Earl On Iraq
Sexual Gratification at warring stations.....
Responsibility and assumed authority undoubtedly lax and provoking damnation amongst many.....
Other Ethical values derided in favour of dereliction of duty.....
Despondency and Desolation are words familiar to several families and the entire nation......
etc etc etc.............
3rd Earl Attempts To Write A Few NON GRIME Lines For A Channel U Act ON LOVE;
Love is the most abused word since george bush, love is a distraction (doesn't apply to me as of going to press:)
I don't wanna fall in love anymore
Even the intimate walks on brighton shores
now fail to convince me you weren't a whore...
During our time, our friends said i was a bore...
most of my nights spent with you in parks, museums and dance floors...
You had it all, the money, the Sophie Raworth body and the monica lewinsky smile but yet there were flaws....
As i sit here contemplating what action to take without getting involved with the law.....
I realised there was no point as it's another case of what the 3rd Earl saw...
WHAT UTTER NONSENSE
MORE POETRY (got more bars than a music book)
Many fishes in the sea they say...
All i see is sharks and a stingray...
Some for the money, some for the whole day...
They come from Carlisle to Bombay...
Many come just for a place to stay...
3rd Earl generousity ensures they don't pay :) ...
ONLY if they're willing to play...
Play according to the rules and don't stray...
Earltime is always the highlight on friday :) ...
Gig preparations, will it be WONG or SWAY....
Both are big so that's OK....
SWAY'S from Ghana, WONG's from MORECAMBE BAY... :) (nothing to do with cockle picking)
They're 2 of the finest grime acts of today...
AAAAAAAAANYWAY, there are still not that many fishes in the sea as they say...Etc etc etc......
MSN FREESTYLIN SPECIAL 3RD EARL DID FOR SCARLET;
I write bars like a superstar...
Leave fake MCs sitting on their arse...
Got money, got hoes, got bare siiick cars... (well mum's the word)
too hot to handle but i aint from mars...
I ain't German so i ain't called hitler or Lars...
MCs runnin deyr mouths get washed with daz...
Left in a heap and sprayed with gas (slightly violent and aggressive, NOT RECOMMENDED, VIOLENCE IS BAD)...
Bit like Auschwitz but minus the farce :) ...
Making it farcical, like Gordon Brown in the cash for honours cycle...
Cynical...
He'd eventually put his hand on a bible, ...
Swear allegiance and attack a libel...
that contain bare sh%* than a horse's stable...
Im lyrically stable, consistent unlike the film BABEL... :)
I balance my bars like an IKEA table...
Got ma crew including main man Gabriel...
Solid like steel, solid like a sky aerial...
Clashin don't put you on a payroll...
Man makes Ps writing on loo rolls...
DAGADAGADAGADAHADAGADA ETC ETC ETC
Yeahhhhh NOW YOU KNOW HOW MUCH CRAP I CAN FIT IN A BLOG, YOUR GO, GO AND HAVE FUN ON YOUR PAGE!!!
xxx
3rd Earl
LOVE ME TENDER
Errrrrr well it seems all girls would like this lengthy post below. I think this piece was made up by a very sad middle aged woman from devon, who lives with her 4 cats and 2 spaniels and has an on off relationship with the local postman....sad times!!!
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
ladies: this will make you tear up :) ?
fellas: read it, all of it! :)
1-touch her waist
1-touch her waist
2-talk to her
3-share secrets
4-give her your jacket
5-kiss her slowly
ARE YOU REMEMBERING THIS?
6-hug her
7-hold her
8-laugh with her
9-invite her somewhere
10-let her be with you when you're with your friends
KEEP READING
11-smile with her
12-take pics with her
13-pull her onto your lap
14-when she says she loves you more, deny it. fight back
15-when her friends say i love her more than you, deny it. fight back and hug her tight so she cant get to her friends. it makes her feel loved
ARE YOU THINKING OF SOMEONE?
16-always hug her and say "i love you" when you see her
17-kiss her unexpectedly
18-Hug her from behind around the waist
19-tell her shes beautiful!
20-tell her the way you feel about her!
ONE LAST THING YOU NEED TO SHOW HER YOU MEAN IT
21-Open doors for her, walk her to her car- it makes her feel protected, plus it never hurt to act like a gentleman
22-Tell her she means everything to you, but mean it
23-if it seems like there is something wrong, ask her- if she denies something being wrong, it means she doesn't want to talk about it- so just hug her
24-make her feel loved
25-kiss her infront of other girls you know
WE MIGHT DENY IT BUT WE ACTUALLY LIKE AND KINDA WANT YOU TO TICKLE US
26-don't lie to her!!
27-dont cheat on her!!!!!
28-take her anywhere she wants
29-txt message or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at work, and how much you miss her!!!!!!
30-be there for her when ever she needs you, & even when she doesn't need you, just be there so she'll know that she can always count on you!!!!!!!!!
ARE YOU STILL READING THIS? YOU BETTER BE, IT'S IMPORTANT
31. Hold her close when she's cold so she can hold you too.
32. When you are alone hold her close and kiss her.
33. Kiss her on the cheek; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her).
34. While in the movie, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her lightly.!!!(DO IT!)
35. Dont ever tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you're mad. If shes upset, comfort her
REMEMBER ALL THESE THINGS WHEN YOU ARE WITH HER NEXT
36. When people diss her, stand up for her.
37. Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her.
38. Lay down under the stars and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, Link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you.
39. When walking next to each other grab her hand.
40. When you hug her hold her in your arms as long as possible
MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS SHES LOVED
41. CALL her at night to wish her sweet dreams.
42. Comfort her when she cries and wipe away her tears.
43. Take her for long walks at night.
44. Always Remind her how much you love her, you`ll never know when she needs just a lil more love
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL I THOUGHT THE BIBLE WAS A HARD ONE TO CRACK, NOW I HAVE THIS, FATHER SAVE US ALL, IM OFF TO CONVERT TO ISLAM!!!
XXX
3rd Earl
WELCOME
Well it certainly seems marriage will be made more easier now that several fillies are heading down from the fellow European continent to experience the joy that is being British and along they shall come with their budding builder brethren, who forever shall build build build and then make the building fall apart with their skill :)
Anyway, bring on the AU PAIRS, If the lady in the article is willing to dress like Alice in Wonderland and hop around outdoors or preferably indoors, then JOY TO THE WORLD AND THE LAND OF HOPE AND GLORY...
WELCOME BRETHREN, WELCOME...
xx
3rd Earl
MORE DISCOVERIES
1) OPERATION RAINBOW - where female recruits try to sleep with male colleagues or vice versa who have just joined the Metropolitan Police force :) hmmmm Interesting times...
2) RICHARD BATES - The contestant on the television programme named "has Britain got talent" or something on those lines apparently was on the sex offenders register thus his exclusion from the show! HE WAS ON THE LIST FOR "FEET TICKLING"..... "FEET TICKLING" ???????
3) CONVERSATION OVERHEAD ON THE HARRY POTTER EXPRESS FROM CHARING CROSS - "I think i've found the right one, she works in Morrison's in gravesend and she's 56 and has her own house, she still keeps in touch with her kids and i think i actually like to settle down with her"......I THINK I SHALL HEAD OFF TO THAT MORRISONS AND HAVE A LOOK!
Interesting times...
xxx
3rd Earl
2) RICHARD BATES - The contestant on the television programme named "has Britain got talent" or something on those lines apparently was on the sex offenders register thus his exclusion from the show! HE WAS ON THE LIST FOR "FEET TICKLING"..... "FEET TICKLING" ???????
3) CONVERSATION OVERHEAD ON THE HARRY POTTER EXPRESS FROM CHARING CROSS - "I think i've found the right one, she works in Morrison's in gravesend and she's 56 and has her own house, she still keeps in touch with her kids and i think i actually like to settle down with her"......I THINK I SHALL HEAD OFF TO THAT MORRISONS AND HAVE A LOOK!
Interesting times...
xxx
3rd Earl
A FEW PRESS LISTINGS
Somehow the newspapers thought surely there was nobody as crazy as him thus they invited me to pose for a few pictures and a short interview;
Do read...
xxx
3rd Earl
FEW SNIPPETS FROM AROUND THE WORLD
ONLY A CHINESE PHILOSOPHER WILL SAY THIS, NO WONDER THERE AIN'T MANY OF THEM AROUND APART FROM BRUCE LEE (was he chinese)?
CONFUCIUS said "IF RAPE IS INEVITABLE, JUST LIE BACK AND ENJOY IT "
HM THE QUEENs afficionade had that used against her in the most hilarious way 2 years ago;
READ THE ARTICLE HERE;
http://www.mailonsunday.co.uk/news/article-420057/The-Queens-friend-enemy-soccer-boss--brutal-battle-left-Bahamas-turmoil.html
OHHHHHH I LOVE OUR FELLOW CHUMS THE YANKS; Inspired by a film, WOWW
http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1815845,00.html
AND WE END ON A HAPPY NOTE;
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/7480431.stm
xxx
3rd Earl
CONFUCIUS said "IF RAPE IS INEVITABLE, JUST LIE BACK AND ENJOY IT "
HM THE QUEENs afficionade had that used against her in the most hilarious way 2 years ago;
READ THE ARTICLE HERE;
http://www.mailonsunday.co.uk/news/article-420057/The-Queens-friend-enemy-soccer-boss--brutal-battle-left-Bahamas-turmoil.html
OHHHHHH I LOVE OUR FELLOW CHUMS THE YANKS; Inspired by a film, WOWW
http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1815845,00.html
AND WE END ON A HAPPY NOTE;
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/7480431.stm
xxx
3rd Earl
KNIFE AND GUN CRIME SOLUTION FOUND
By a chap that goes by the name of Vivek Sahi;
He wrote a lovely post on a facebook group suggesting ways of ending this gun and knife culture and it was well worth the read and well worth sharing;
Vivek Sahi wroteat 5:14am on June 7th, 2008
Bring back the Death Penalty irrespective
Chop of the hands of thieves
Chop of rapists pricks
Slow death for pedophiles
Infuse lottery cash into the NHS & Education
Compulsory National service to end gang, yob, chav culture
Strict corporal punishment in schools
Pay for performance for all council, government and civil servants if you can..t perform get booted out
Kick out illegal immigrants
Ban Amnesty international from the country
Sounds very big Brother - but perhaps these maybe the life saving measures the country currently needs...
I leave you to ponder over vivek's ideas, as he is firmly sat in bradford with his English passport and presumably working tirelessly for the state.
xxx
3rd Earl
He wrote a lovely post on a facebook group suggesting ways of ending this gun and knife culture and it was well worth the read and well worth sharing;
Vivek Sahi wroteat 5:14am on June 7th, 2008
Bring back the Death Penalty irrespective
Chop of the hands of thieves
Chop of rapists pricks
Slow death for pedophiles
Infuse lottery cash into the NHS & Education
Compulsory National service to end gang, yob, chav culture
Strict corporal punishment in schools
Pay for performance for all council, government and civil servants if you can..t perform get booted out
Kick out illegal immigrants
Ban Amnesty international from the country
Sounds very big Brother - but perhaps these maybe the life saving measures the country currently needs...
I leave you to ponder over vivek's ideas, as he is firmly sat in bradford with his English passport and presumably working tirelessly for the state.
xxx
3rd Earl
THE HOOLIGANS MOST SOUGHT AFTER TICKET IN THE WORLD
After several conflicts between CHAD and SUDAN, it seemed sport could once again bring this brotherly countries together, clearly not!!
FIFA are contemplating postponing their game as tensions are mounting rapidly and to come to an agreement and alow to game to go ahead will bring deadly consequences;
This match is basically going to be won elsewhere and not on the pitch;
ALQAEDA XI versus ALQAEDA RESERVES and EX MEMBERS
DREAM TICKET IF YOU'RE A HOOLIGAN!!!
3rd "OFF TO HOLIDAY IN SUDAN" Earl
READ THE FULL STORY AND MORE http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/africa/7483781.stm
FIFA are contemplating postponing their game as tensions are mounting rapidly and to come to an agreement and alow to game to go ahead will bring deadly consequences;
This match is basically going to be won elsewhere and not on the pitch;
ALQAEDA XI versus ALQAEDA RESERVES and EX MEMBERS
DREAM TICKET IF YOU'RE A HOOLIGAN!!!
3rd "OFF TO HOLIDAY IN SUDAN" Earl
READ THE FULL STORY AND MORE http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/africa/7483781.stm
HAPPINESS HAPPINESS THE GREATEST GIFT THAT I POSSESS
Well as i sat in bed this afternoon carefully analysing the "losers" online, this image struck me and unsurprisingly it was from DJ 2SHIN with a message "I SO WOULD" and i am glad he said that as the world is now a better place and disability is not as bad a problem it was a few years back!
xxx
3rd Earl
SOME 2007 HIGHLIGHTS
NOW 2007 HIGHLIGHTS IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER!!!
MY 100TH GAME BEING AGAINST THE FA
This was a game we played against the FOOTBALL ASSOCIATION at a floodlit pitch in cockfosters and as a momentous occasion like the 3rd Earl's 100th game, we fielded our strongest possible 11 to face the most talented FA XI they had put out and in the end, having not scored more than 3 past them in a single game, we managed to beat them by 7 goals to 1, a rather superb victory to celebrate my 100th game.
ZAMPERS WORD ON URBAN DICTIONARY
As i was rolling wit ma homies Wiley, JME etc we were just talking about some of the pretty impressive array of fillies we had encountered throughout the night :) and the word ZAMPERS surfaced as i was describing to them a girl i met at the local Tesco's with rather large breasts thus upon my arrival home, i decided to go on the extremely interesting www.urbandictionary.com to add my new found word and since then many girls have been enquiring from me how to achieve this urban phenomenon.
PEACHES' BIRTHDAY
Well, as much as many like to hate this filly, once tranquilised with Russia's finest alcoholic beverages and other strong liquorJ, she is the finest filly you'll ever meet and her invitation to me to her birthday bash was rather lovely of her and it goes in as one of the top 5 events of the year; several circus acts in one place getting extremely intoxicated and merry is worthy of several newspaper covers. May this Lady lead the exciting life she leads at the moment, a true beacon of British "partydom"! All hail the lady.
POLLY
Well as ROXETTE once sang, IT MUST HAVE BEEN LOVE, BUT IT'S OVER NOW", well the same applies to this lovely Filly who will always have a place in my heart, but like LES INCOMPETENTS, i am forced to ask "HOW IT ALL WENT WRONG"! Ps....DAAAAAAAAMN after going through my past bulletins i sent out, i think i may now know HOW IT ALL WENT WRONG but to be honest my bulletins are just not meant to be taken seriously..Hmmmm sad day/sad times/sad end to a sad story
CHALK
This club night did briefly revolutionalise Saturdays; never had so many huge acts filled a Saturday night venue and never have so many underage kids been let at loose. Can easily be dubbed the best Saturday club night while it lasted. Well the first few months were anyway.
AP, BOY BETTER KNOW ETC AT ALL AGE CONCERTS with SUPER SUPER MAGAZINE
This has to be one of the finest gigs of the year; amazing night, this was the night i realised how superb and entertaining Late of the pier were, ADVENTURE PLAYGROUND stole the show though with Foals, JME and Bonde Du Role doing very well.
MARCH 10TH NAMBUCCA
WOWWWWWWWWW this has to be the most chaotic event of 2007, no one puts on a night where over half of the people don't get in, DJs walk out, several police vans and CCTV units get called, crowd surfing in the streets. YES CROWDSURFING IN THE STREETS, all at Nambucca for Str8 Necklin's first ever dj set and Dean's first ALL AGE CONCERTS event!!! THIS WAS ONE SPECIAL NIGHT FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS!
LARRIKIN LOVE AND LES INCOMPETENTS
2 of my favourite bands in 2007 splitting up, that hurt as much as princess Diana's demise, sad time for music it was, a very very very sad day for music those moments were!
CRYSTAL PALACE MATCH
The 3rd Earl XI were invited for a football match at the home of the ARSENAL 5TH TEAM, CRYSTAL PALACE FOOTBALL CLUB (spurs being the arsenal 2nd team, west ham the 3rd and Charlton 4th) and what a day it was; we had the opportunity to play against a combination of ex players and current players and we beat them by 3 goals to 2. That has to be the most amazing feat all season for the 3rd Earl XI team and they have asked for a return leg which shall hopefully be played at our home of football. There are several pictures on my myspace and facebook page to compliment this story.
BOLLYWOOD OSCARS
A weekend away to Bradford, Leeds and Sheffield to review the Bollywood Oscars was a triumph for me. Never had i enjoyed being i the company of so many of the world's press with my notepad and pen and mobile phone. Amidst all these huge machinery, live TV screenings, there was this lovely, cute black boy talking to some of the finest actors and actresses in Bollywood, asking whether Shilpa was better than Shruti or whether Jitendra did date Colin firth. A very special weekend where i appreciated how much the press put into their work!
HANNAH AND SOPHIE JACKSON's HOUSEPARTY
After being drenched for several hours looking for the lovely Hannah Jackson's place, myself, DJ Tooshin and DJ Dean Tynan made the best entrance yet an hour before the party was to end with a car rim round his neck, what a way to make an entrance. Must say Lady Hs party was rather super as we ended up all sleeping there and WE NEVER KNEW WHAT HAPPENED TO SAHIL THAT NIGHT AND HOW HE VANISHED!!!
SUMMER BBQ
3rd Earl HQ BBQ had about 500 people down this year and it was a rather special time as WHY WHISKEY WHY and NIMMO AND THE GAUNTLETTS played and a lovely cheesy bunch who played party anthems all night. Good times and i do look forward to next year.
FOREIGN EVENT WITH DJ MARCOS, DJ TOOSHIN, DJ DEAN TYNAN ETC
The most hilarious night ever; 3rd Earl, dj Tuvshin, dj Marcos, dj Dean Tynan and dj Clive all pretending to be gay on the night; Never have we entertained so many females, DJ Marcos nearly pulled an ABSOLUTE BEAUTY till her mate got jealous and walked off with her, DJ Clive got very tongue tied, DJ Tuvshin and the rest received several sexual objects from a nameless girl, GOOD TIMES ALL ROUND AND THE APPARENT GAY DANCES were rather superb!
SUPER SUPER FASHION SHOW AND THE TALE OF THE HOOKER
Sorry to anyone who couldn't get in, guest list limit was 500 and 1200 plus turned up so sad times but it was a rather special event and NEVER SHALL I CONFUSE A HIGH CLASS HOOKER WITH A FASHION EDITOR AGAIN!!! NO FURTHER COMMENTS ON THIS PLEASE, THANK YOU!!! SHE LIED TO ME IS ALL I CAN SAY!!!!!
TALES OF THE JACKALOPE
6am in a packed out tent dancing to old skool garage with Tapedeck after earlier amazing sets by YOYO DJs, Blaise etc and KISSY SELLOUT making this one of the finest times of the summer with some of the most lovely people you'll ever meet - THE HIGHLIGHT - FREDERICK OX EAGLE LION MAN GETTING DJ TUVSHIN IN A HEADLOCK WITH MYSELF ATTEMPTING TO BODY SLAM HIM...ohh the good times.
FOAM RAVE
Who thought a FOAM RAVE AT NAMBUCCA will be this fun; Str8 Necklin took to the decks for this event on its launch date at Nambucca and it was a sudden hit and it is certain to carry on so do keep an eye out for flyers etc.
WAR MAGAZINE LAUNCH
The WAR Magazine launch was a rather special event which saw us djing at the superb surroundings of studio valbonne. With free drinks flowing and canapés flying all round, DJ Tuvshin was on form, with a little moonwalk move and a little shimmy, he was "bumpin and grindin" with no less than 4 impressive fillies who seemed to be in high spirits, a few minutes later we discovered 2 of these fillies passed out sort of underneath a car outside and been looked after. DJ Tuvshin has got a lot of stamina dare i say!
3RD EARL FIVE A SIDE COMPETITION
3rd Earl's 5-A-SIDE competition with bojangles medley, transparent magazine, nimmo and the Gauntletts, str8 Necklin dj crew, Burmese days, Lo Fi Culture Scene etc took place at your highness's and after several amazing games, DJ Marcos was leading goal scorer, Bojangles medley won the competition and Burmese days were the team of the tournament! Next year it shall be repeated so do keep an eye out for it!!
DJING WITH RADIOCLIT, DIPLO, ROOTS MANUVA ETC ON THE SAME NIGHT
After several months of playing their remixes at most of our nights we (STR8 NECKLIN DJ CREW) have djed at, we managed to dj alongside these highly talented duo on the same night and OHHHHH WHAAAAAT A NIGHT, and to be told we were above DIPLO on the bill at the BIG DADA 10th birthday party was the highlight of the year for our disc jockeying outfit.
HATTON MAYWEATHER
RICKY RICKY RICKY you do not go out there throwing girly punches at someone who can throw bear punches!!! Ricky Hatton made it rather easy for Floyd Mayweather in the end, but still managed to claim around 20 million, not bad!!! A rather good beating by pretty boy and i did win the sweepstakes that was organised as my prediction came true, boohoo!!! Ps....upon getting out of the cab and heading for HQ gates to watch the fight, the cab driver shouted and came after us complaining we left our belongings behind thus the bojangles medley crew, Clive etc all went back and they returned with several items not theirs and a huge grin on their faces, the cab driver unfortunately didn't realise his earlier passenger; Barry or Dave or whatever his name was left all his 40th birthday gifts in his cab so he made everyone's night by offering them champagne, couple of 40th birthday cards, shirts and
several gifts which these bojangles crew, Clive etc decided to share amongst themselves, it was clearly their night, more happy times!
TRUDIE STYLER TOUCHING ME UP
Trudie styler was at a work event without MR STING, after a brief chat with her we realised i had seen her somewhere and SHE RUBBED ME UP ON MY SHOULDER AND REMARKED "Ohhh gawwwd i do remember you..etc etc" and then she got very friendly...WOWWWWWWWWWWW SHE RUBBED MY ARM!!!!
TRUDIE STYLER RUBBED MY ARM!!!! SPECIAL!!!
THE GREATEST LOSS OF THE YEAR
Forget Arsenal's loss to Middlesbrough, STR8 NECKLIN DJ CREWs' loss to NIMMO AND THE GAUNTLETTS at the 3rd Earl 5-A-SIDE COMPETITION was the shock of the year. STR8 NECKLIN DJ CREW were tipped to win the competition with their amazing, direct and free flowing football but NIMMO AND THE GAUNTLETTS defeated them by 2 goals to 1 thanks to the referee who i am
not suggesting you find her and sort herrr ahhht or nuffink but her name is EMILY and she should be on their page!!! She ended the game 3 minutes before it should have ended, did not give the 3rd Earl a free kick just outside the box and claimed he dived, refused to admit both of the NATG goals were CLEARLY OFFSIDE and there were some tackles made by scarlet and oona that were clearly red card offences!!! The state of refereeing has deteriorated sharply this year and that was another low. EMILY her name is, i know the good book says SEEK YE FIRST THE KINGDOM OF GOD, but in this instance and even despite it being after a couple of months i reckon we should all SEEK YE FIRST EMILYS HOUSE!!!
BEST DANCE MOVE OF 2007
Forget the chicken noodle soup or the goldfish dance by Billie or crank dat, it was all about the "BACK AND FORTH MARCH STEPPER" introduced by my fine PA; There i was with ma bredrins and gyaldem upstairs in the VIP room at the CHALK night when suddenly my phone buzzes with a text message, it was from my PA and it read "look down at the dance floor on the main stage" and it was the most perfect photo opportunity but unfortunately i was without my kodak disposable camera; my PA was with DJ Dean in the centre of the main stage area with hardly anyone there but the dj and there had the dance move going; the 2 clenched fists imitating the famed Bruce Forsyth impression but this time rhythmically balancing it with the music by taking the right foot and the right clenched fist forward then the left clenched fist and the left foot forward BUT ahead of the right foot and fist as if you're making gentle strides, then the right foot and fist then back in the reverse way, so it's right fist and foot, left fist and foot, right fist and foot then back with whatever foot is ahead of the 3rd step!! This has been the winter craze and is SHUUUURELY going to be bigger than any dance move so do keep an eye out, even Camilla Kerr has fallen victim to this dance phenomenon!
OTHERS
- STR8 NECKLIN Getting applauded at 333 for pulling off one of the finest sets to date and making people stay and dance till the early hours of the morning and even when the lights were on, very special indeed.
- My 3 own goals i scored against the team 3rd Earl XI played before the Christmas break; we still went on to win by 4 goals to 3. I have never been that slated since the LUTON TOWN GIRLS 4TH TEAM got 12 past me!
- Getting more lines than Vivienne Westwood after our interviews with the press, boohoo TAKE THAT VIVIENNE....
There were probably several i have forgotten about so do feel free to comment the blog to remind me? PLEASE DON'T LEAVE INTIMATE ONES, JUST MESSAGE ME THOSE, THANK YOU :)
Hopefully 2008 will be more eventful.
xxx
3rd Earl
MY 100TH GAME BEING AGAINST THE FA
This was a game we played against the FOOTBALL ASSOCIATION at a floodlit pitch in cockfosters and as a momentous occasion like the 3rd Earl's 100th game, we fielded our strongest possible 11 to face the most talented FA XI they had put out and in the end, having not scored more than 3 past them in a single game, we managed to beat them by 7 goals to 1, a rather superb victory to celebrate my 100th game.
ZAMPERS WORD ON URBAN DICTIONARY
As i was rolling wit ma homies Wiley, JME etc we were just talking about some of the pretty impressive array of fillies we had encountered throughout the night :) and the word ZAMPERS surfaced as i was describing to them a girl i met at the local Tesco's with rather large breasts thus upon my arrival home, i decided to go on the extremely interesting www.urbandictionary.com to add my new found word and since then many girls have been enquiring from me how to achieve this urban phenomenon.
PEACHES' BIRTHDAY
Well, as much as many like to hate this filly, once tranquilised with Russia's finest alcoholic beverages and other strong liquorJ, she is the finest filly you'll ever meet and her invitation to me to her birthday bash was rather lovely of her and it goes in as one of the top 5 events of the year; several circus acts in one place getting extremely intoxicated and merry is worthy of several newspaper covers. May this Lady lead the exciting life she leads at the moment, a true beacon of British "partydom"! All hail the lady.
POLLY
Well as ROXETTE once sang, IT MUST HAVE BEEN LOVE, BUT IT'S OVER NOW", well the same applies to this lovely Filly who will always have a place in my heart, but like LES INCOMPETENTS, i am forced to ask "HOW IT ALL WENT WRONG"! Ps....DAAAAAAAAMN after going through my past bulletins i sent out, i think i may now know HOW IT ALL WENT WRONG but to be honest my bulletins are just not meant to be taken seriously..Hmmmm sad day/sad times/sad end to a sad story
CHALK
This club night did briefly revolutionalise Saturdays; never had so many huge acts filled a Saturday night venue and never have so many underage kids been let at loose. Can easily be dubbed the best Saturday club night while it lasted. Well the first few months were anyway.
AP, BOY BETTER KNOW ETC AT ALL AGE CONCERTS with SUPER SUPER MAGAZINE
This has to be one of the finest gigs of the year; amazing night, this was the night i realised how superb and entertaining Late of the pier were, ADVENTURE PLAYGROUND stole the show though with Foals, JME and Bonde Du Role doing very well.
MARCH 10TH NAMBUCCA
WOWWWWWWWWW this has to be the most chaotic event of 2007, no one puts on a night where over half of the people don't get in, DJs walk out, several police vans and CCTV units get called, crowd surfing in the streets. YES CROWDSURFING IN THE STREETS, all at Nambucca for Str8 Necklin's first ever dj set and Dean's first ALL AGE CONCERTS event!!! THIS WAS ONE SPECIAL NIGHT FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS!
LARRIKIN LOVE AND LES INCOMPETENTS
2 of my favourite bands in 2007 splitting up, that hurt as much as princess Diana's demise, sad time for music it was, a very very very sad day for music those moments were!
CRYSTAL PALACE MATCH
The 3rd Earl XI were invited for a football match at the home of the ARSENAL 5TH TEAM, CRYSTAL PALACE FOOTBALL CLUB (spurs being the arsenal 2nd team, west ham the 3rd and Charlton 4th) and what a day it was; we had the opportunity to play against a combination of ex players and current players and we beat them by 3 goals to 2. That has to be the most amazing feat all season for the 3rd Earl XI team and they have asked for a return leg which shall hopefully be played at our home of football. There are several pictures on my myspace and facebook page to compliment this story.
BOLLYWOOD OSCARS
A weekend away to Bradford, Leeds and Sheffield to review the Bollywood Oscars was a triumph for me. Never had i enjoyed being i the company of so many of the world's press with my notepad and pen and mobile phone. Amidst all these huge machinery, live TV screenings, there was this lovely, cute black boy talking to some of the finest actors and actresses in Bollywood, asking whether Shilpa was better than Shruti or whether Jitendra did date Colin firth. A very special weekend where i appreciated how much the press put into their work!
HANNAH AND SOPHIE JACKSON's HOUSEPARTY
After being drenched for several hours looking for the lovely Hannah Jackson's place, myself, DJ Tooshin and DJ Dean Tynan made the best entrance yet an hour before the party was to end with a car rim round his neck, what a way to make an entrance. Must say Lady Hs party was rather super as we ended up all sleeping there and WE NEVER KNEW WHAT HAPPENED TO SAHIL THAT NIGHT AND HOW HE VANISHED!!!
SUMMER BBQ
3rd Earl HQ BBQ had about 500 people down this year and it was a rather special time as WHY WHISKEY WHY and NIMMO AND THE GAUNTLETTS played and a lovely cheesy bunch who played party anthems all night. Good times and i do look forward to next year.
FOREIGN EVENT WITH DJ MARCOS, DJ TOOSHIN, DJ DEAN TYNAN ETC
The most hilarious night ever; 3rd Earl, dj Tuvshin, dj Marcos, dj Dean Tynan and dj Clive all pretending to be gay on the night; Never have we entertained so many females, DJ Marcos nearly pulled an ABSOLUTE BEAUTY till her mate got jealous and walked off with her, DJ Clive got very tongue tied, DJ Tuvshin and the rest received several sexual objects from a nameless girl, GOOD TIMES ALL ROUND AND THE APPARENT GAY DANCES were rather superb!
SUPER SUPER FASHION SHOW AND THE TALE OF THE HOOKER
Sorry to anyone who couldn't get in, guest list limit was 500 and 1200 plus turned up so sad times but it was a rather special event and NEVER SHALL I CONFUSE A HIGH CLASS HOOKER WITH A FASHION EDITOR AGAIN!!! NO FURTHER COMMENTS ON THIS PLEASE, THANK YOU!!! SHE LIED TO ME IS ALL I CAN SAY!!!!!
TALES OF THE JACKALOPE
6am in a packed out tent dancing to old skool garage with Tapedeck after earlier amazing sets by YOYO DJs, Blaise etc and KISSY SELLOUT making this one of the finest times of the summer with some of the most lovely people you'll ever meet - THE HIGHLIGHT - FREDERICK OX EAGLE LION MAN GETTING DJ TUVSHIN IN A HEADLOCK WITH MYSELF ATTEMPTING TO BODY SLAM HIM...ohh the good times.
FOAM RAVE
Who thought a FOAM RAVE AT NAMBUCCA will be this fun; Str8 Necklin took to the decks for this event on its launch date at Nambucca and it was a sudden hit and it is certain to carry on so do keep an eye out for flyers etc.
WAR MAGAZINE LAUNCH
The WAR Magazine launch was a rather special event which saw us djing at the superb surroundings of studio valbonne. With free drinks flowing and canapés flying all round, DJ Tuvshin was on form, with a little moonwalk move and a little shimmy, he was "bumpin and grindin" with no less than 4 impressive fillies who seemed to be in high spirits, a few minutes later we discovered 2 of these fillies passed out sort of underneath a car outside and been looked after. DJ Tuvshin has got a lot of stamina dare i say!
3RD EARL FIVE A SIDE COMPETITION
3rd Earl's 5-A-SIDE competition with bojangles medley, transparent magazine, nimmo and the Gauntletts, str8 Necklin dj crew, Burmese days, Lo Fi Culture Scene etc took place at your highness's and after several amazing games, DJ Marcos was leading goal scorer, Bojangles medley won the competition and Burmese days were the team of the tournament! Next year it shall be repeated so do keep an eye out for it!!
DJING WITH RADIOCLIT, DIPLO, ROOTS MANUVA ETC ON THE SAME NIGHT
After several months of playing their remixes at most of our nights we (STR8 NECKLIN DJ CREW) have djed at, we managed to dj alongside these highly talented duo on the same night and OHHHHH WHAAAAAT A NIGHT, and to be told we were above DIPLO on the bill at the BIG DADA 10th birthday party was the highlight of the year for our disc jockeying outfit.
HATTON MAYWEATHER
RICKY RICKY RICKY you do not go out there throwing girly punches at someone who can throw bear punches!!! Ricky Hatton made it rather easy for Floyd Mayweather in the end, but still managed to claim around 20 million, not bad!!! A rather good beating by pretty boy and i did win the sweepstakes that was organised as my prediction came true, boohoo!!! Ps....upon getting out of the cab and heading for HQ gates to watch the fight, the cab driver shouted and came after us complaining we left our belongings behind thus the bojangles medley crew, Clive etc all went back and they returned with several items not theirs and a huge grin on their faces, the cab driver unfortunately didn't realise his earlier passenger; Barry or Dave or whatever his name was left all his 40th birthday gifts in his cab so he made everyone's night by offering them champagne, couple of 40th birthday cards, shirts and
several gifts which these bojangles crew, Clive etc decided to share amongst themselves, it was clearly their night, more happy times!
TRUDIE STYLER TOUCHING ME UP
Trudie styler was at a work event without MR STING, after a brief chat with her we realised i had seen her somewhere and SHE RUBBED ME UP ON MY SHOULDER AND REMARKED "Ohhh gawwwd i do remember you..etc etc" and then she got very friendly...WOWWWWWWWWWWW SHE RUBBED MY ARM!!!!
TRUDIE STYLER RUBBED MY ARM!!!! SPECIAL!!!
THE GREATEST LOSS OF THE YEAR
Forget Arsenal's loss to Middlesbrough, STR8 NECKLIN DJ CREWs' loss to NIMMO AND THE GAUNTLETTS at the 3rd Earl 5-A-SIDE COMPETITION was the shock of the year. STR8 NECKLIN DJ CREW were tipped to win the competition with their amazing, direct and free flowing football but NIMMO AND THE GAUNTLETTS defeated them by 2 goals to 1 thanks to the referee who i am
not suggesting you find her and sort herrr ahhht or nuffink but her name is EMILY and she should be on their page!!! She ended the game 3 minutes before it should have ended, did not give the 3rd Earl a free kick just outside the box and claimed he dived, refused to admit both of the NATG goals were CLEARLY OFFSIDE and there were some tackles made by scarlet and oona that were clearly red card offences!!! The state of refereeing has deteriorated sharply this year and that was another low. EMILY her name is, i know the good book says SEEK YE FIRST THE KINGDOM OF GOD, but in this instance and even despite it being after a couple of months i reckon we should all SEEK YE FIRST EMILYS HOUSE!!!
BEST DANCE MOVE OF 2007
Forget the chicken noodle soup or the goldfish dance by Billie or crank dat, it was all about the "BACK AND FORTH MARCH STEPPER" introduced by my fine PA; There i was with ma bredrins and gyaldem upstairs in the VIP room at the CHALK night when suddenly my phone buzzes with a text message, it was from my PA and it read "look down at the dance floor on the main stage" and it was the most perfect photo opportunity but unfortunately i was without my kodak disposable camera; my PA was with DJ Dean in the centre of the main stage area with hardly anyone there but the dj and there had the dance move going; the 2 clenched fists imitating the famed Bruce Forsyth impression but this time rhythmically balancing it with the music by taking the right foot and the right clenched fist forward then the left clenched fist and the left foot forward BUT ahead of the right foot and fist as if you're making gentle strides, then the right foot and fist then back in the reverse way, so it's right fist and foot, left fist and foot, right fist and foot then back with whatever foot is ahead of the 3rd step!! This has been the winter craze and is SHUUUURELY going to be bigger than any dance move so do keep an eye out, even Camilla Kerr has fallen victim to this dance phenomenon!
OTHERS
- STR8 NECKLIN Getting applauded at 333 for pulling off one of the finest sets to date and making people stay and dance till the early hours of the morning and even when the lights were on, very special indeed.
- My 3 own goals i scored against the team 3rd Earl XI played before the Christmas break; we still went on to win by 4 goals to 3. I have never been that slated since the LUTON TOWN GIRLS 4TH TEAM got 12 past me!
- Getting more lines than Vivienne Westwood after our interviews with the press, boohoo TAKE THAT VIVIENNE....
There were probably several i have forgotten about so do feel free to comment the blog to remind me? PLEASE DON'T LEAVE INTIMATE ONES, JUST MESSAGE ME THOSE, THANK YOU :)
Hopefully 2008 will be more eventful.
xxx
3rd Earl
CLUB REVIEW
MO*VIDA, THE BEST CLUB IN LONDON...NOT ANYMORE!!!
Well for one thing, the 3rd Earl is not known to queue for an event more than 15 minutes (20 minutes if it's a sold out event and 30 minute if there is a health scare) so wandering out there for the aftershow party of one of the designers for London Fashion Week, i was extremely surprised to be placed amongst mere mortals with more hair and face product applications than the cosmetics section of a BOOTS store.
The female bouncer, Miss Polish Weightlifter 2006, who had let herself go and now looking more like a hard up Pat Butcher with a current mike tyson body, marshalled the queue like an Auschwitz camp guard repeatedly chewing gum and scornfully staring at the extremely disorganised, lengthy and static queue.
Miss Weightlifter's male companion was clearly heavyweight boxer Vitali Klitschko, who seemed like he was in no mood for a laugh at all, whether you were on guestlist or not and as usual the stares into the crowd aiding him presumably in that selective skirts process; MORE SKIRTS PLUS MORE OLD DIRTY BASTARDS EQUALS MORE MONEY AT THE BAR! Upon queueing up just beyond the "3RD EARL QUEUE TIME ACCEPTABILITY POLICY" the keeper of the list, another fine filly recruited from Master Klitschko's minimum wage migrant worker collection repeatedly suggested i wait for the organiser of our alloted guestlist, to which myself and my darling Lady A remarked "YES WHY NOT", and with a left turn out of the queue, we all had one thing in mind; NO COMING BACK and indeed we failed to return and ended up at another of several London Fashion Week parties, which was a much sombre affair.
Predictably, on our way out of the queue, familiar talentless characters from some of the mediocre programmes on modern television screens were being ushered in with smiles all round.
The perfect club scene currently seem to be events run with the atmosphere of a typical SMASH AND GRAB club night; semi interesting or vibrant entertainment personalities willing to enjoy themselves for the fun of it without having to repeatedly keep an eye on their bank balances.
5 pounds to move freely, dance amidst similar entertainment personalities you get in Movida or spend a 100 more and go home with robbie or stacie from eastenders?! I shall let you to decide.
3rd Earl
PS....BELOW ARE SOME OF THE COMMENTS LEFT BY THOSE THAT PAID IT A VISIT;
I went there on a Saturday night. Being in Mo*vida felt like I was in a hip hop video with a bunch of snoop-doggys and gold-digging Paris Hilton wannabes clawing for free drinks and any type of attention.
How could anyone call this sort of crowd exclusive? The interior and decor was not bad, but all the same I hated the crowd there.Plus, it was impossible to talk over the rather annoying RnB music. The truth is I might give Mo*vida another go on a Thursday or Friday night as I'm told there's a much better crowd.
Mo*Vida is a money-extracting venture for those with a comic lack of class and sophistication, from an owner who knows neither.
Please don't let these desperate nouveaux riches distract you with their Crystal bottles, people with genuine class / money stay well clear of these venues. Movida, China White and the like are strictly for mid-ranking money brokers, style-less tourists, z-list celebs/former wannabe page-3 girls/ex-Blue members.
Going inside is like walking into Del Boy's bedroom after he won the lottery. I've seen better taste in an episode of Crossroads. The screeching, bussed-in-from-Milton-Keynes crowd were drowned out only by the sub-Now 1899 soundtrack; seriously I've heard more credible "tunes" on Magic FM. Truly vile.
horrible place to go. Don`t go near there!The woman at entrance is totally rude and stupid!
Just because a club is expensive doesn't mean it's good (something the clientele will disagree with). It's a hole. You know the deal with Mo*vida: cheesy commercial music, overpriced drinks, horrible staff (the server at our table was actually aggressive), and clientele who don't know anything about clubbing and drink overpriced champagne who think having Cristal brought out with sparklers is cool.
If you don't have money, go to Leicester Square, not Mo*vida. The staff are always lovely unless you are common riff-raff who will not spend anything (which I expect the complainers are). Don't ruin the reputation of a fantastic club.
Never go to Mo*vida. I arrived at 11pm and I assumed I was going to get in free with a guest list for women, as I was invited by the party planners. Downstairs they asked me to pay, so I went back upstairs to ask why when it was meant be a free gueslist! They told me to leave and never to come back again.I was all dressed up and looked great! I was never rude, but they refused to let me in although I had a table reservation. I stood outside for five minutes aking why I wasn't let in and I even said I didn't mind paying. They then said I should have paid in the first place without any questions, although it is supposed to be free for women before 11:30pm.I will never bother with Mo*vida again. I have never been treated this way. It is a dump with superficial doorpeople who are too rude!
Mo*vida is the 7th circle of hell. I went last Friday by accident when I bumped into a friend oustside with a table booked. First of all, it is not that the door staff just happen to be rude, in this case they were repeatedly making my friends spell their name just for fun.
The interior design is appauling - it looks like they left the Christmas decorations up. Worst of all is the music - Greatest Hits of Ibiza 2002. Mo*vida is only for the bewildered.
Mo*vida is another predictable West End venue. After the hype of it being the new place in town, people can see it for what it is. Expensive and poorly made cocktails. Rude staff that seem to think you are there for their benefit. Wall to wall wannabes asserting themselves. Pathetic. You get certain crowds at different clubs - I'm glad these people have found their spot at Mo*vida, because I wouldn't want them anywhere else!
OUCH!!!! AND THAT WAS HOW MOVIDA LOST ITS CROWN!!!
Well for one thing, the 3rd Earl is not known to queue for an event more than 15 minutes (20 minutes if it's a sold out event and 30 minute if there is a health scare) so wandering out there for the aftershow party of one of the designers for London Fashion Week, i was extremely surprised to be placed amongst mere mortals with more hair and face product applications than the cosmetics section of a BOOTS store.
The female bouncer, Miss Polish Weightlifter 2006, who had let herself go and now looking more like a hard up Pat Butcher with a current mike tyson body, marshalled the queue like an Auschwitz camp guard repeatedly chewing gum and scornfully staring at the extremely disorganised, lengthy and static queue.
Miss Weightlifter's male companion was clearly heavyweight boxer Vitali Klitschko, who seemed like he was in no mood for a laugh at all, whether you were on guestlist or not and as usual the stares into the crowd aiding him presumably in that selective skirts process; MORE SKIRTS PLUS MORE OLD DIRTY BASTARDS EQUALS MORE MONEY AT THE BAR! Upon queueing up just beyond the "3RD EARL QUEUE TIME ACCEPTABILITY POLICY" the keeper of the list, another fine filly recruited from Master Klitschko's minimum wage migrant worker collection repeatedly suggested i wait for the organiser of our alloted guestlist, to which myself and my darling Lady A remarked "YES WHY NOT", and with a left turn out of the queue, we all had one thing in mind; NO COMING BACK and indeed we failed to return and ended up at another of several London Fashion Week parties, which was a much sombre affair.
Predictably, on our way out of the queue, familiar talentless characters from some of the mediocre programmes on modern television screens were being ushered in with smiles all round.
The perfect club scene currently seem to be events run with the atmosphere of a typical SMASH AND GRAB club night; semi interesting or vibrant entertainment personalities willing to enjoy themselves for the fun of it without having to repeatedly keep an eye on their bank balances.
5 pounds to move freely, dance amidst similar entertainment personalities you get in Movida or spend a 100 more and go home with robbie or stacie from eastenders?! I shall let you to decide.
3rd Earl
PS....BELOW ARE SOME OF THE COMMENTS LEFT BY THOSE THAT PAID IT A VISIT;
I went there on a Saturday night. Being in Mo*vida felt like I was in a hip hop video with a bunch of snoop-doggys and gold-digging Paris Hilton wannabes clawing for free drinks and any type of attention.
How could anyone call this sort of crowd exclusive? The interior and decor was not bad, but all the same I hated the crowd there.Plus, it was impossible to talk over the rather annoying RnB music. The truth is I might give Mo*vida another go on a Thursday or Friday night as I'm told there's a much better crowd.
Mo*Vida is a money-extracting venture for those with a comic lack of class and sophistication, from an owner who knows neither.
Please don't let these desperate nouveaux riches distract you with their Crystal bottles, people with genuine class / money stay well clear of these venues. Movida, China White and the like are strictly for mid-ranking money brokers, style-less tourists, z-list celebs/former wannabe page-3 girls/ex-Blue members.
Going inside is like walking into Del Boy's bedroom after he won the lottery. I've seen better taste in an episode of Crossroads. The screeching, bussed-in-from-Milton-Keynes crowd were drowned out only by the sub-Now 1899 soundtrack; seriously I've heard more credible "tunes" on Magic FM. Truly vile.
horrible place to go. Don`t go near there!The woman at entrance is totally rude and stupid!
Just because a club is expensive doesn't mean it's good (something the clientele will disagree with). It's a hole. You know the deal with Mo*vida: cheesy commercial music, overpriced drinks, horrible staff (the server at our table was actually aggressive), and clientele who don't know anything about clubbing and drink overpriced champagne who think having Cristal brought out with sparklers is cool.
If you don't have money, go to Leicester Square, not Mo*vida. The staff are always lovely unless you are common riff-raff who will not spend anything (which I expect the complainers are). Don't ruin the reputation of a fantastic club.
Never go to Mo*vida. I arrived at 11pm and I assumed I was going to get in free with a guest list for women, as I was invited by the party planners. Downstairs they asked me to pay, so I went back upstairs to ask why when it was meant be a free gueslist! They told me to leave and never to come back again.I was all dressed up and looked great! I was never rude, but they refused to let me in although I had a table reservation. I stood outside for five minutes aking why I wasn't let in and I even said I didn't mind paying. They then said I should have paid in the first place without any questions, although it is supposed to be free for women before 11:30pm.I will never bother with Mo*vida again. I have never been treated this way. It is a dump with superficial doorpeople who are too rude!
Mo*vida is the 7th circle of hell. I went last Friday by accident when I bumped into a friend oustside with a table booked. First of all, it is not that the door staff just happen to be rude, in this case they were repeatedly making my friends spell their name just for fun.
The interior design is appauling - it looks like they left the Christmas decorations up. Worst of all is the music - Greatest Hits of Ibiza 2002. Mo*vida is only for the bewildered.
Mo*vida is another predictable West End venue. After the hype of it being the new place in town, people can see it for what it is. Expensive and poorly made cocktails. Rude staff that seem to think you are there for their benefit. Wall to wall wannabes asserting themselves. Pathetic. You get certain crowds at different clubs - I'm glad these people have found their spot at Mo*vida, because I wouldn't want them anywhere else!
OUCH!!!! AND THAT WAS HOW MOVIDA LOST ITS CROWN!!!
MY PREDICTIONS FOR 2009/2010
1. Going to be rather difficult for indie/Alternate bands to carry on performing to full houses, meaning more guestlist for mere mortals and press alike :) These difficult times for indie bands may be due to the vast amount of bands springing up daily, which is not a bad thing at all as competition intensifies this way but rather music fans are spoilt for choice as most of these bands sound the same thus end up not with hardcore loyal fans BUT "shared" fans with other bands.
2. After spending several months leering over lineups and club nights, it sprung upon me that the gap between persons going to see these "indie"/alternate bands and disc jockeys was being bridged very fast. When one carefully dissects the club events taking place on the london scene at present, it comes to the attention that there are lots of very good and well established disc jockeys plying their trade regularly at events where formerly were "indie-spired" and ending up playing records that one does not associate with "indie".
3. JAY-Z at Glastonbury, LETHAL BIZZLE at Download, THE BANGLES at Cornbury (ok perhaps not them) but yes, these are not lineups one is used to associating with festivals of that magnitude and it has been slowly creeping into lineups suggesting the slow decline of the followers of these lovely "indie" / alternate bands and opening up these events to a much wider audience.
AFTER THE ABOVE BRIEF BIT OF NONSENSE, I LEAVE YOU WITH PREDICTIONS FOR THE NEXT 2 YEARS, AFTER ALL I PREDICTED THE LONDON EARTHQUAKE!!!!
3RD EARL PREDICTIONS
a) ACOUSTIC/INDIVIDUAL ACTS SHALL BE THE IN THING....
b) DJ LED LINEUPS SHALL BE MORE EVIDENT AND LEADING THE WAY....
c) YOU CAN CLEARLY TELL WHICH BANDS ARE CRAP AND WHICH ARE NOT AS IT SHALL NOT BE ALL ABOUT "GUITAR-BASHING" ANYMORE
XXX
3RD "WATCH OUT 2009/2010" EARL
2. After spending several months leering over lineups and club nights, it sprung upon me that the gap between persons going to see these "indie"/alternate bands and disc jockeys was being bridged very fast. When one carefully dissects the club events taking place on the london scene at present, it comes to the attention that there are lots of very good and well established disc jockeys plying their trade regularly at events where formerly were "indie-spired" and ending up playing records that one does not associate with "indie".
3. JAY-Z at Glastonbury, LETHAL BIZZLE at Download, THE BANGLES at Cornbury (ok perhaps not them) but yes, these are not lineups one is used to associating with festivals of that magnitude and it has been slowly creeping into lineups suggesting the slow decline of the followers of these lovely "indie" / alternate bands and opening up these events to a much wider audience.
AFTER THE ABOVE BRIEF BIT OF NONSENSE, I LEAVE YOU WITH PREDICTIONS FOR THE NEXT 2 YEARS, AFTER ALL I PREDICTED THE LONDON EARTHQUAKE!!!!
3RD EARL PREDICTIONS
a) ACOUSTIC/INDIVIDUAL ACTS SHALL BE THE IN THING....
b) DJ LED LINEUPS SHALL BE MORE EVIDENT AND LEADING THE WAY....
c) YOU CAN CLEARLY TELL WHICH BANDS ARE CRAP AND WHICH ARE NOT AS IT SHALL NOT BE ALL ABOUT "GUITAR-BASHING" ANYMORE
XXX
3RD "WATCH OUT 2009/2010" EARL
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)